After reading “The Hairy Girls” in The Chronology of Water
by Lidia Yuknavitch
Sometimes, by sometimes
I mean very often, I wish
I was 16 again. My body, not
the rest of me. I wish I was
a 16-year-old boy
servicing 16-year-old girl me.
I’d fuck myself the way I always
wanted. Girl me wouldn’t be afraid
not only of being called a slut
but of the other who is not other.
She could just
enjoy her body,
Boy me wouldn’t be afraid of
being rejected or having to work
for more. He’d just know
how much girl me was addicted
to every inch of him. A cock
so hard and eager, you could build
a city on it. Skin so tight and brimming with cum,
it might split like an overripe eggplant.
I’d watch the fruit flesh of my dick
slide in and out of my own swollen flesh,
gripping spasms and releases of unnamed things.
Soft, never-shaved hair sticking and sliding,
leaving a map of swirling approval,
jolts of pleasure spasm through
my limbs, ever growing webs
like cracks on the surface of thin ice
my sexuality is skating on.
I’d eat myself out and it would drown me,
tasting the sweet not-nectar, collapsing
from pungent exhaustion.
I’d finally know what it’s like to cum like a man.
To e-Jack-u-late, the tingle of thousands
of us exploding into and onto each other.
I dissolve like a sugar cube in the mouth
of a horse. That’s where I got my rhythm from.
up and down, up and down, training for more
than the next jump. Turn all of my-selves on.
And while I was am at it,
another 16-year-old girl me
and I would eat each other out.
I’d slurp the soul straight out of her oyster
and drop it back into the gaping
mouth of a still-orgasming girl. The kind
of an orgasm only a girl can give another
girl. Sometimes boy me would watch
and, other times, girl me. And sometimes
the two girls would be alone and sometimes
the boy and girl would be and sometimes
we would all be twisted together like a fleshy
puzzle and sometimes we would all be alone,
rubbing ourselves raw from the thought
of each other.
Madeline Zilelian is a native New Yorker whose writing is deeply influenced by her Armenian Heritage and by the death of her parents. She earned her MFA in Fiction and Poetry from Antioch University of Los Angeles and was a genre editor for their student run Literary Magazine, Lunch Ticket. She is a former pro-snow boarder and blue ribbon equestrian. She currently is a poetry editor for Meow Meow Pow Pow. Her day job as a Real Estate Investor and Futures Trader gives her the financial freedom and flexibility to travel and write. She lives in Staten Island with her fiancé Steven.